These Advice shared by My Dad That Helped Us as a First-Time Parent

"In my view I was merely trying to survive for the first year."

Former reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the demands of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience rapidly proved to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health issues during the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her chief support while also looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every nappy change… every stroll. The role of mother and father," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You aren't in a healthy space. You need some help. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His situation is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although society is now better used to talking about the stress on mums and about post-natal depression, less is said about the struggles fathers face.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his difficulties are part of a broader failure to talk amongst men, who often hold onto harmful ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and remains standing every time."

"It's not a sign of failure to request help. I failed to do that fast enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, says men often don't want to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not justified to be asking for help" - most notably ahead of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental well-being is just as important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the chance to request a respite - taking a few days overseas, outside of the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he required a change to focus on his and his partner's feelings in addition to the practical tasks of caring for a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she needed" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has reshaped how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to better grasp the expression of emotional life and understand his decisions as a father.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen was without consistent male parenting. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "bad decisions" when younger to modify how he felt, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the pain.

"You turn to substances that don't help," he explains. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Advice for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, tell a friend, your other half or a professional what you're going through. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the things that made you feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. Examples include going for a run, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - nutritious food, physical activity and if you can, resting, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - sharing their stories, the challenges, as well as the good ones, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Know that asking for help isn't failing - prioritising your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having not spoken to him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead give the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - managing the emotions constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they confronted their pain, changed how they communicate, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… sitting with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, sometimes I think my role is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am understanding as much as you are on this path."